dreaming of unfathomable shame
8:47 PM
Monday, July 30, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
明日、春が来たら - tomorrow, when spring comes {jpop}
matsu takako

With computer parts failing here and there, this post was unfortunately delayed in airing. lol. But all is good now and my dear boys and girls, I would like to say that I am up in the air, swelling with happiness. You'll be wondering why and I will tell you why because I would like to share my first step of maturing with everyone. =p kekeke. I have finally gotten my P's!! What are p's you ask? P's stand for Provisional licence. I can now drive without any guidance and yaaaaaye!! *yells yippee* I'm very sorry for bragging but lol, simple things just make me so happy. ^^

On Friday morning, i had woken up with cold sweat from dreaming endless disasters that would prevent me from gaining my P's. For example, wearing stilettos and crashing into the Easter Bunny (what was i thinking??), Mr.Beans (yes - him!) babbling in my ear as i tried to make a 3-point turn and ended up causing his brown teddy to fly out of the window (is that possible?? =.=) causing Mr.Beans to go all wild and making the instructor give me a fail. Somewhere in between those two dreams were a few dreams that seemed to make a bit of sense such as trying to bribe the instructor with coloured smarties to give me a pass but I ended up going to jail because bribes are illegal, reversing into a tree and causing a huge traffic jam (in the middle of a silent road? *shrugs*) and finally, dreaming the-boy-who-lived (aka Harry Potter) and lord-you-know-who (coughcoughvoldemortcoughcough) having a horrifying duel which caused my car to lift right up into the air and rapidly smash down into the ground in front of Kat-tun's concert causing all of Kat-tun's fans and Kat-tun themselves to hate me with such passion that i had to go into hiding...

I know, I know - they sound unbeliveably....weird?? My dreams are a bit on the wild side and I am still pondering why I had so many dreams during one night. Perhaps, it is because I slept for 10 hours (You're thinking I'm such a lazy bugger ain't you?? lol =P) but on the otherhand, I remember reading that dreams occur in the 5minutes (or was it seconds) before you wake up... Nevertheless, clearly I must have a few damages to my head as my sister likes to put it because dreams are supposedly connected to reality and provides us with insight into our selves. I shall retort that: 1) reality would be my driving test, 2) the bunny represents my want of diet and to find the resistance from snacking on chocolates, 3) I am horrible at reversing, 4)I have finished reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and am very devastated that Rowling is so ruthless in killing my most beloved: Snape (i loved him so much!! why must she kill him??), Lupin & Tonks and Fred (highlight in case i spoil it for you) and I am distraught now that the beloved series has ended. Thus, the book must have used some kind of dark-arts to make me live through such a dream, being unable to dispel the deep affect of the last and final hp book ...and...and...as for Mr.Beans and Kat-tun (a japanese band)...please allow me some time to think about it. Perhaps I need to find a dream interpreter or perhaps the best idea of all - you can help me interpret these dreams?? (o'.'o) If you can, please do and tell me all about it!! =D

Of course you must be thinking, driving's easy - just relax and take a deep breath. I did just that on my first driving test and I am very embarassed and ashamed to say that I had failed it (ssh...it's a secret between you and me okay?) because silly sabii here had forgotten to turn on her windscreen wipers as the rain had drummed down heavily against the windscreen and blurred her vision (as well as her thinking mental state). *slaps forehead* I had been upset and had mighty contempt for my stupidity. When I found myself waking up to rain on Friday morning, I was extremely scared that I had to go to the loo four times before I went out to practice driving before my official driving test. lol and it seemed going to the bathroom was no help as I needed to go the loo during my test. how embarassing and awkward as I tried to prevent my bladder from exploding. (o'.'o) very unappealing I am! lol!! ...

But I must have done something right this time...all thanks to the long hours of practicing =D

I am now pleased to say, sabii can now truly drive with voracity, conviviality and never with imbecility. *blushes* lol. xD it's awesome!

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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voracity, conviviality, imbecility...driving
11:40 PM
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
fluorescent {eng}
gwen stefani

the weather has warmed up. sunny, breezy, wonderful. and amazingly, warm enough to wear a mini, allowing my legs to breathe once more from the pants, jeans, tights and leggings during the cold, icy winter days. but tomorrow? will it be wonderful? ooh, with fingers crossed, i do hope so. im hoping for a brilliant sunshine that will make me smile and feel all bubbly inside unlike a few months ago when i first experienced controlling a vehicle...

i remember all my thoughts and emotions bubbling inside me when I drove for the very first time...

* * *

wednesday, january 31, 2007.

"seven-eighths of my friends are driving, either steadily learning or on their red and green P's. as for i, yesterday morning was my first! (o'.'o) i admit it , im a total frigid. xD lol. i had woken up with my head spinning nervously with paranoia and it did not help to have a rumbling stomachache. i hate it, i always get a stomachache when im really nervous. (@.@) its a wretched thing to do for my stomach to get all tied up in knots. its horrible. but my stomachache slowly loosened up as time passed by with me watching Hi-5 (gosh dang, i love hi-5 =D) at 9:00am.

well, its no new gobsmacking news. it was a 1hr lesson learning the basic but dang it, my hands and feet are just incompatible with each other. they make a horrible couple when it comes to turning corners. how do you do it? my hand turns the steering wheel oh-so slowly and my feet are either tightly held onto the brake or fully charged at the accelerator. =.=" and my lips are dry and my cheeks are flushed with embarassment. yes, imagine a car stopping every minute in the middle of the road and turning dangerous retarded corners. that was me. however my driving instructor was awesome. very cool. david is distant (but so expensive!) =D hahaha. but as for my driving nature ... totally devastating.

thursday night will be my 2nd driving lesson.

i shall turn my high beam on and blind everyone with my fabolous driving skills. =p

i drive with voracity, i drive with conviviality but alas, i also drive with imbecility. *blushes* lol. xD it's awesome!

* * *

...and tomorrow, i will rise, wash my face and brush my teeth and begin to panic.

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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i heart the rocks [part ii]
9:58 PM
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
doctor's sorrow - 醫生的悲哀 {cpop}
jason chan

Transforming into super duper ladies and saving the world is stressful and exhausting work, especially after spraining your ankle along the way ><" (How could i have been so careless? I was limping like mad. lol. And now, I can't seem to walk properly at the moment. ><" ) So what better way to regain energy and rest one's foot than to help one's self to pancakes and pizza? Making my wish come true, we decided to order a Devil's Delight and Italian Pizza (I do not think my diet is working... =.=" ).

Ooh la la!! We began to die of thirst from the uber-salty pizza and uber-sugary pancakes. Nonetheless, we enjoyed it like crazy whilst dying from squeals and laughter as we talked and gossiped away. Hahahah!! After finishing off our plates, the trio decided to walk around the Rocks, running from one old cottage to another, from one cobbled street to another, visiting cute and tiny shops and being mesmerised by what they had in store. Something different, something beautiful and something very intricate like The Candle Factory where we found delicate candles such as these which we concluded that we could never bear to use because they're just soo beautiful.

As we were walking down the streets, we found ourselves becoming intrigued with a narrow somewhat eerie and gloomy corridor. We found ourselves walking in and entering a small backyard with an old man painting very small artworks in the corner. Becoming silent and still, we decided to look at some of the artwork displayed on a wall, many which were nude paintings. It creeped Jenny out =p and she quickly darted off leaving Wendy and I quickly trailing behind her. However I regret not striking up a conversation with the old man for he looked decent and seemed to be a man with many interesting stories to tell, like the stories that you would sit at your grandfather's feet and listen intently to. Perhaps the next time I go to the Rocks or perhaps those of you that live in or should one day visit Sydney, can do that for me and tell me all about it. ^^

Roaming around and around, we found ourselves wandering into Sussanah's Place that Jenny longed to see. But alas, it was closed and poor Jenny was heartbroken so we vowed to ourselves that we will go visit when it is open., rightios? ^^ Jenny and I happen to love ancient history filled with its mystique and wonder and we found ourselves getting excited about this closed crumbled down site at the Rocks where historians and archaeologists excavate. *squeals* I'm such a nerd and as Jenny likes to put it, I'm so old school and I'm loving it. =D Snapping pics here and there, I was entranced by the Rocks and always seem to be. An interesting fact that Jenny told me was that the Rocks used to be the most dangerous and horrible places in Sydney in which it was filled with rats and drunks and violence. Isn't it funny how the Rocks is now one of the most exquisite and expensive places in Sydney? But it's no surprise, it's a beautiful place with historical importance afterall. And with the glistening harbourside as its delightful scenic view, who wouldn't love the Rocks??

And so we decided to enjoy the Rocks more by buying two scrumpilicious desserts from this cute small bakery hidden amongst the many small other shops and ate them next to the Opera House, looking out at the harbour, relaxing under the gentle breeze of the evening before heading off to home sweet home and taking a long hot shower.

And I just had to share this cute water bottle with you!! Isn't it the most adorable thing you've ever seen? So adorable that we filmed a priceless commercial for it. Classic. ^.~

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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i heart the rocks [part i]
4:38 PM
Monday, July 23, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
volare {gitane/spanish}
gypsy kings

So I thought after the mouthwatering desert I had at Lindt cafe the other day, I figured out it was the time to stop my unbelievebly bad diet on chocolates and all sorts of candy and sweets -junk food, period. But alas, it seems to be the case that if I get a small taste of chocolate, I automatically crave for more like I am right now. Must resist Sabrina! As a result of my endless food craving, I decided to lunch at 'Pancakes at the Rocks' with Wendy and Jenny with wishful thinking about the Devil's Delight that they have at that place. But before any of the pancakes and pizza and plenty gulpings of cold water, I headed off sightseeing with Wendy, roaming around QVB to drooling over David Jones' bakery and sweet store to looking for possums at Hyde Park to walking in the rain under a small red umbrella to meet Jenny at Circular Quay for lunch at The Rocks. If only Wendy was a guy and then it would have been very romantic! Hahaha!! =P

I had not visited Hyde Park in a long time, even though I pass it every week to go to the City State Library to study. And it was just so wonderful, walking under the canopy of the glistening, green trees whilst chatting away with Wendy. And I found myself snacking away on toasted marshmallows and chocolate hearts Wendy had bought earlier. ><

Whilst trying to make one marshmallow last a long time in order to prevent my gulping down of the whole packet, we tried to find the possum that lives in this supposed tree that Wendy adores and sees everytime she comes to Hyde Park. But clearly, the possum does not seem to like the smell of toasted marshmallows or chocolates (unlike dear sabii here) and so we did not get to see a glance of it.

But then again, I am glad for unlike Wendy, my heart does not tingle from the sight of animals unless it's a tingle that makes me shiver with fear. Unfortunately, I am not much of an animal fan all thanks to the haunting memory of the big golden cat that scratched me when I was a little girl back in my preschool days. =[ But Wendy insisted that this possum was very cute and if i had gotten the chance to see it, it would make my heart melt. lol! *raised eyebrows* I'm not too sure about that hypothesis because I seem to scream and run away from anything that's furry and moves instantaneously. ><" But due to my very big pride, you will find me constantly sitting rigid and still when I am near an animal, for example, sweating with fear but yet still sitting like a statue whilst patting my cousin's white maltese even though I must say, it is quite cute. =p note to animal lovers: please don't hate me.

Whilst looking for the beloved possum, I found myself starring at this charismatic businessman who was sitting on a bench and eating lunch by himself. This businessman must have been really special because for the next few minutes or so, we found ourselves discussing about this man with snippets going like this:

Wendy: I like the way he chews his sandwich. It's very manly.
Sabii: I feel sorry for him.
Wendy: Why??
Sabii: He's eating lunch alone and looks so solemn and melancholy.
Wendy: Melancholy's sexy.
Sabii: EEH??
Wendy: His thick lips are sexy.
Sabii: EEH??
Sabii: I wonder what he's eating...
Wendy: Oh! I bought these chocolates this morning. Want one?

What do you think I replied? =.=
It’s all about the food.

And was I very glad as 1:30pm rolled by because that meant it was time to head off to meet Jenny for lunch and find a place to huddle for warmth as we got sprayed by the cold water fountain and drizzled on by the rain. But funny enough, Wendy and I loved it because we both love cloudy, grey days. Why? Cos it’s the best time to eat ice cream on! Hahaha! =P Well, that’s my belief. So walking down to Circular Quay, we met up with Jenny who pulled us into a trio and made us skip happily all the way upto the rocks. As we were heading to the rocks, I found a red telephone booth. You know, one of those telephone booths that you see Superman change into…Superman?? And it got me so excited because you rarely see a red telephone booth and I wondered why I had never saw one before when I’ve been to the Rocks so many times?? Being once and I think I still am, a Superman fan, I dragged Wendy and Jenny to hop into the booth with me and pretend we were about to transform into super duper ladies, with pictures to prove but horribly embarrassing. lol. It would be awesome fun to be a superhero (for a day or two) don’t you think?

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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ikemen paradise
10:54 PM
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
oh, my juliet {kpop}
wanted ft. common ground

i've fallen in love. yes, again. but this time, i've fallen in love with numerous good looking men (aka ikemen ^.~ ) all at the same time. it's bad. let me introduce you to the the main attraction amongst the many other men of mine (right, don't i just wish they were mine!):

  1. Oguri Shun

Well i guess you could say, I had fallen in love with Oguri Shun a year ago so he's noone new...but he'll always be new to me *faints* hahhaa!! he is amazingly hot. HOT!

Oguri Shun [quote with credits to wiki] is Japanese actor who made his way into the acting industry not because he was purusing a passion of his, but because he was an avid admirier of a Yuuki Uchida, a Japanese actress. He loved her acting and was a very big fan of her's and because h wnated to meet her, he joined theater and acting classes. Oguri has more than enough talent for lead roles, but he actually prefers playing the supporting roles. [/quote]

And I so prefer him playing the lead role in **** ****... Remember how i told you previously here that i could rave on and on about a certain something; a certain something that i can't lay my eyes off and wait anxiously for each week; a certain something that i've decided to nickname as "my desire"; a certain something that features Oguri Shun, Horikita Maki and Ikuta Toma and many many uber-cute japanese guys. You seem to be shaking your head in confusion. Allow me to give you another hint:

[quote with credits to wiki] One day, a japanese girl named Mizuki in the United States sees a track and field competition on tv and becomes attracted to one of the competitors Sano competing in the high jump. She begins to idolize the young athlete and decides to transfer to Japan to attend the same school as this young athelete. However, this athelete attends an all boys high school and thus, the japanese girl must disguise herself as a boy to enter...[/quote]

Ooh la la!! Have you figured it out?? I can't wait! Let me tell you the answer, "my desire" is Hanazakari no Kimitachi e aka Hana Kimi aka For you in Full Blossom. Originally a manga series (which i've been collecting with pride) written by Hisaya Nakajo, it has recently been made into a japanese drama which is currently airing and next week, episode 4 is coming out and i cannot wait!! The drama is fast paced especially since the director's trying to fit 23volumes into eleven 45min episodes. However, considering the director's trying to pack everything together, the drama cuts out a lot of cute scenarios that occurs in the manga and it does not follow the manga at all. but then again, all the important parts are there in the drama and i know for sure, that it's a happy ending so it makes me even more excited and anxious to finish watching the series. But having one episode come out once per week is killing me...awfully slowly. painful. ><" So i've been rewatching the first few episodes over and over again until i've lost count of how many but i can't seem to get sick of it. Why? Perve alert here! The story situates in an all boy's school so...*giggles* ...

Close your eyes. Press the down arrow key for 5 times and.........










Check out the cast! Ain't they gorgeous? *nosebleed* So now, do you understand my situation? Do you understand why I've fallen in love with so many guys all at once. I mean, I've even fallen for the doctor, Umeda, who happens to be playing an old gay man but is oh so cool with his grey eyes (im guessing eye contacts) and i want grey eye contacts now! hahaha! I'm so easily influenced. Do you see those grey eyes?? If you don't, click photo to enlarge. They're gorgeous!

I'm also loving the school uniform. It's sexy, as Wendy would probably say. You see, the asians (overseas) cherish and take pride in their school uniforms so much and who wouldn't blame them when they've got a cool range of uniforms?? Afterall, you've got models and celebrities constantly modelling the uniforms for the children and teenagers. Whereas here in Sydney...=.=" Our uniform is nothing compared to Asia's, what a disgrace...it explains why students don't ever wish to wear their uniforms. I understand.

But enough about uniforms. Back onto the topic of guys. I'm so good at it, kekeke. =P Another male I’ve recently fallen in love with is Yamamoto Yusuke who I first saw in Se7en’s ‘Aitai’ MV. He plays the ‘ghost boy’ who can connect with ghosts and souls and he’s so adorable don’t you think? And he's born in the same year as me (i.e 1988)!! Woot!

Meanwhile, the Japanese men celebs in this drama seem to be very undeveloped...*perve alert again* as you would see in episode 1. And so, I often go to rewatch the Taiwanese version of Hana Kimi to restore a bit of my eyesight back because damn, Wuzun and Jiro have great bodies and not a tad undeveloped. hahaha!! *slaps forehead* But it's okay, it's not as though the Japanese men are constantly stripping off their clothes in this drama (so i think) and I can't apply it to everyone in the drama ... look below!

MUSCLY MEN!! (cameos)

We girls all love it, don't we? hahaha!! xD I'm horrible!! Noone would of guessed I was a closet pervert until now. ^.~ But really, it's the characters that attract me and if you don't believe me, please ask my friends. lol, yes, I am trying to redeem a bit of myself here for you might think I am too shallow...hahaha!! maybe? But yes, it's true, my friends constantly say what terrible taste I have in men when they see who I have a crush on. It's the character that I fall in love with and I've fallen in love with Ikuta Toma recently who plays Nakatsu, the supporting actor. It took me awhile because he never really appealed to me but his character in Hana Kimi is soo kawaii, espeacially during the moments when he is all confused over his gender attraction to Mizuki (played by Maki).

Kawaii deshyou?? (look like as though I’m not the only pervert – look at those girly undies he has on his head!! =P)

So while I’m being tortured each week, waiting somewhat unpatiently for each episode to air, the soundtrack keeps me going, especially the ending theme song to the series : 'Peach' by Ai Otsuka! It is upbeat and totally awesome fun to listen to and i've chucked it on as my ringtone. ^^ Listen to it here on youtube however be warned: the mv is not what i would call great but then again...it's got sexual appeal...in some certain way...man boobs, butts and all...*nervous laughter* but that's what peaches are all about!! hahaha!! Enjoy!

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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from riches to rags
3:04 AM
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The jukebox plays my song:
내 잘못이니까 - it's my fault {kpop}
kim dong wan

ooh...i am soo very full! having just gotten back from dinner at a chinese restaurant amongst the many delightful restaurants in beverly hills (nooo!! not that beverly hills in 'us of a' - i ain't no rich girl - i wish i was, lol! - which you'll soon find out) and we all know how i cannot resist food...so i ate until my heart's tummy's content and believe me, now i know why im so chubbi and why the blue dress ain't no good for me. *dies* the blue dress was bought in france by my aunt from japan and she decided to hand it down to me after she became pregnant...although she's mighty thin now *envy*. so i thought it would be perfect for me to wear since it's a stretchy material but alas, i had forgotten that the material clings onto every fab and flab of my body. *dies once more* so to save the public from losing their appetite from the shock and horror of witnessing me in the blue dress, i decided to wrap myself thin by wearing an elastic belt that once belonged to my mum who was in her teenage years (its true that fashion cycles) and I also decided to wear a woolly cardigan to cover up. lol. thank goodness i wore a huge grey cardi. it was and still is chilling outside, with the strong gusts of wind whipping away everything in its reach. a grey cardi is soo good for you in winter. warmth... ^^

okay, so you're wondering what am i doing at this hour - afterall, it's 3:06am in the morning. kekeke. well, im waiting for something sweet and uber-cute to finish which i can rave on about continuously if i get started so im not going to go anywhere near that...yet...=p perhaps it is a good thing that im not sleeping yet because as they all say, sleeping right after eating is bad, bad, bad!! on the otherhand, since im going out early tomorrow with corrina, perhaps i should get an early night's sleep ... after, i finish posting this blog...and for "my desire" to show up first. ^.~ so what or who is "my desire"?? wait and you'll soon find out but for now, allow me to tell you a story (with many grammatical errors) about two youthful girls (one becoming old and haggard quickly due to her lack of beauty sleep xD) who turned from princesses to paupers this afternoon.

princesses we were when we went for brunch at lindt cafe at st.martin place. whilst pauline ordered a blackforest, i decided to try out this teeny- weeny gorgeous white desert filled with berries, coconut and (of course) white chocolate, by the name of pistacchio berry d-something (i only remember the first letter of the last name, hahaha!! how can i forget??!).

the only thing that i was not satisfied with was the size. lets mc-size it and i will be pleased. hahaha!! =p yummy for my tummy. i know i know, how can we have chocolate first thing in the morning? aww...who can not? it's chocolate; mouthwatering chocolate that makes me tingle with delight. yum yum yum!! and i found out that i was eating at the first lindt cafe to be opened worldwide. who would of thought sydney would be the place to hold the first lindt cafe? i expected paris, london, somewhere on the otherside to have the first. you can't deny it, sydney is uber-chique. ^^

feeling posh and grand like audrey hepburn eating breakfast at tiffanies, the two princesses with their tummies full of sweet sugary chocolate from "brunch at tiffanies" (let's fool ourselves - lindt cafe is practically right next to tiffany & co), decided to go sightseeing shopping (coughcoughwindowshoppingcoughcough) at gucci, prada, tiffany & co, salvatore ferragano, omega and the galore! it was thrilling to step into these stores for the very first time. (for you see, away from the fairytale life, these two princesses were really poor uni students trying very hard to live their lives and often find themselves overwhelmed with luxurious world known brands). we found ourselves oohing and aahing over anything made our hearts pound faster with desire. okay, so i have a few genuine branded things here and there but im talking boutiques filled with them. i know it was very queer and quite uncool for us to being all excited and absolutely drooling over everything but we were still very down to earth. afterall, it's not all about brands right?...self-denial occurring here...i love brands but i know, i don't need them let alone being unable to purchase them. sighs. *dreamdream fairytalelifedreamdream* kekeke! and let me continue to dream about this simple and elegant necklace at tiffany & co that i fell in love with...ignoring the fact that it costs aproximately $2000 for just the charm...(o'.'o) eek!

and so, in the end, the two princesses decided to return back to their daily lives of being paupers, eating maccas and fries in the hustling and bustling world. but, it was lovely.

cotton candy = l♥ve.

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cotton-candy. student. daughter. sister. bopper. lover. giggler. lazy. hopeless romantic. dreamer. vulnerable. gullible. perfectionist. INSPIRED.


a girl who loves. a girl who dreams. a girl whose dreams do not define her...yet. until that day, she'll continue to dream here...


music/ lounging around/ fashion/ the saxophone/ mr.darcy/ giggling&laughing/ hot chinese tea/ THE 1940s/ candles/ photography/ designer handbags/ dreaming/ interior designing/ the acoustic guitar/ avocado milkshakes/ swooning/ earrings/ vintage/ my christian dior 'old skool' sunnies/ happy endings/ oriental teapots/ romantic comedies/ musicals/ antiques with a victorian or ancient china feel/ baroque chairs in gold and plush velvet/ money/ edwardian sofas/ lipgloss/ lemon tea/ oh- so- beautiful dresses/ travelling/ graphic designing/ singing in the shower/







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they wear


i am the paparazzi



all things chinese


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"Nonsense and beauty have close connections."

— E. M. Forster

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles."

— Audrey Hepburn

"What is life but a series of inspired follies?"

— George Bernard Shaw

"Elegance is not the prerogative of those who have just escaped from adolescence. But of those of us who have already taken possession of our future."

— Coco Chanel

"People who say that yesterday was better than today are ultimately devaluing their own existence"

— Karl Lagerfeld





Photo: Foto Decadent

Textures: Carton
Squid Fingers

Brushes: Romance Box
Funeral Monster

Designer: Provocative

Lyrics: Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson